


Body Gold

by social_reject



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 09:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8661676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_reject/pseuds/social_reject
Summary: Michael sank into his thoughts, let his mind carry him to all the times they had talked with their heads in the clouds, shared daydreams with soft words of the future between them. Maybe it was all just talk to Calum, perhaps it wasn't what he really wanted and the words he spoke were merely fantasies he thought were better left to the imagination. Michael turned to look at Calum, letting himself see every detail of his best friends face, let his heart flutter endlessly in his chest.
Calum leaves for training camp and Michael  is left to wonder about their future.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title and fic based on Body Gold by Oh Wonder.
> 
> This was a labor of love, one month in the making. I'm happy to have seen it through to it's completion and I really hope you enjoy reading it!

Michael's back hit the ground, the grass beneath him still dewy from the morning, but the air was fresh and his lungs were free to breathe in and his voice was able to call out as loud as he wanted. It'd been a long time since he'd resorted to his special place, the one place in the world other than Calum's arms that was able to calm him, there was nowhere else like it. Lazy clouds drifted slowly through the blue sky, Michael reaching his finger up with one eye shut in an attempt to trace them, his finger gliding through the warm air.

Calum was at football practice surrounded by his buddies and Michael was alone, but that was okay, sometimes Michael needed a moment by himself to appreciate the time he got to spend with Calum. They were each other's constants in an ever changing world, growing up attached at the hip had done that to them. If Michael stepped, Calum surely followed. But as together as they had always been, most of the time they were opposites. If Michael inhaled, Calum surely exhaled.

There were moments in Michael’s life that always seemed to replay through his mind, silver flashes in his mind like polaroid’s of memories. There was the moment when he picked up his first guitar, silver strings that made him feel something other than just the callouses on his fingers after incessant playing. There was the moment he'd showed Calum his newly acquired skill, the memory gleaming like the necklace around Calum’s neck. Michael didn't have an idyllic childhood, it was far from picture perfect even in his adolescent mind, unless the frame that picture was in was cracked under the pressure of reality. But the one thing he could always remember having was Calum and if Calum was anything, he was damn near perfect.

Michael took in a breath of fresh air, holding it in for a moment before breathing out sharply, only a moment needed for panic to cut through the calm. As much as Michael supported Calum and his endeavors with football, there was another more selfish side of him that wanted Calum to stay with him, to pursue dreams that were paved in gold. The panic that shook his once calm demeanor was onset by the realization that his football buddies would without a doubt be talking him into leaving for training camp. Leaving Michael and their dreams behind.

As much as Calum loved football and was good at it, Michael couldn't erase the moments where they had sat in this very spot- sometimes with Calum leaned into his chest, sometimes across from each other so they could be eye to eye- those moments filled with conversation of music and dreams that could be. There'd been reality checks at every stop along the way, their parents telling them it wasn't feasible and they needed a solid career to fall back on, their friends laughing at the notion of them becoming something more than ordinary.

To Michael, Calum had never been mundane, he was something otherworldly, as if he'd descended to this earth in a haze of sunset clouds. The lifelines on his hands were untold stories of heroic proportion. Calum was everything Michael ever needed and was scared to lose. The realization that Calum could be here one moment and gone the next was cold and startling. Michael had never thought too deeply about a future where Calum wasn't by his side, it didn't seem natural, like the universe wouldn't allow it. But Michael wasn't in charge of the universe and while he considered himself a pretty perceptive person, he didn't know what lay five minutes ahead let alone a lifetime, two lives, of a seemingly infinite future. He could speculate, he could wonder and imagine all that the future may bring, and in all of those distilled moments of thought, Calum was always by his side.

He closed his eyes, the sun burning behind them, colors of the day swirling behind his eyelids. Blue and white came together in tendrils like the clouds passing through the sky. A tinge of yellow broke through, bursts of the color repeating themselves in an intricate yet indistinguishable design. Michael liked to think that he was blue, the color befitting the way he carried himself. In one version of himself he was bright and everybody's favorite color, in another he was deeper and darker, harder to understand than most.

Michael could never peg Calum down to one color, no matter how hard he tried. One day Calum was red, emoting feelings that hid behind the color, passion running so freely through him. The next day he was yellow, light and easy, carrying on with the light of the sun in his footsteps. Some days Michael thought it wasn't fair to try and hold Calum to one color, but other days he was almost certain he had finally figured him out.

“Mikey,” Calum's voice cut through his haze of thoughts. Michael sat up, all his thoughts washed away like water colors running down a page into a faded nothing.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at practice?” Michael asked, noting the jersey and cleats that Calum wore.

“Coach cut it short. Had some family thing.”

Michael nodded and gestured for Calum to sit next to him. Calum walked forward slowly and dropped himself to the grass below, plucking at the blades unsurely. Michael knew Calum was working up the courage to tell him something and while his stomach was in knots not knowing what it was he wanted to say, he stayed beside Calum, a steady hand placed on his knee to assure him he was there for him no matter what.

Calum breathed out unsteadily, Michael hearing the way his breath dipped and shook. Michael's stomach twisted but he held strong as he waited for Calum to say what he wanted.

“I'm going.”

Water colors that had dripped and faded into nothing exploded into vibrancy. Black and red and dark blue swirled angrily in the pit of Michael's stomach, but he held it back, forcing a wavering smile for Calum’s benefit.

“I'm happy for you,” Michael said, and it wasn't a lie. He was happy for Calum, he wanted him to chase this dream as far as it would take him. He just hoped he wouldn't forget Michael in the meantime. Hoped he wouldn't forget that they also had dreams that they had wanted to chase together.

“It's only a month,” Calum said into the air, the words falling flat. “I’ll be back before you even have a chance to miss me.”

Michael didn't tell Calum that was wrong. A month was seven hundred and thirty hours without him when the longest they'd ever gone was one hundred sixty eight hours when Michael's family decided to holiday for a week at some beach. It'd been miserable, if not for the sunburn that graced Michael’s delicate skin and the sand in all of the places he never wanted it, then for the fact that Calum wasn't there to laugh at his misfortune. Calum’s laughter could make everything better, whether it was the silent laughs that shook his body or the laughs he couldn’t help but let escape, his laughter was the melody that Michael never tired of hearing.

Instead of explaining that to Calum though, Michael nodded encouragingly, as if to say he was right without having to actually articulate that lie into words. Calum scooted closer to Michael, grabbing the hand that was once on his leg and wrapped it around his shoulders, tucking himself into Michael's side. Michael could feel his heart pounding in his chest, as if it was trying to grow wings and escape his body all together. Calum was able to make Michael’s heart feel like it was fluttering weightlessly in a freefall, and while Michael didn’t know where his heart would land, he was okay with the uncertainty. He wondered if Calum could hear it with how close he was, wondered if he could feel the way it skipped a beat when Calum laid his head on Michael’s shoulder.

When Michael's heart was beating, Calum’s was resting. When Michael’s eyes closed in a blink Calum’s were opening. Calum had the courage to tell Michael he was leaving but Michael lacked the courage to ask Calum to stay. Perhaps it wasn't quite courage that he was lacking, maybe it was the thought that asking Calum to stay would be selfish. As much as he wanted to say it was for the band, to pursue something greater than both of them put together, that wasn't the whole truth. In Michael’s heart of hearts he knew it was because he didn't want to be without Calum, even if it was an opportunity as big as this. But he swallowed all his words, regret twisting his insides as they settled like knives tipped on his skin.

“Remember when we first found this place?” Michael asked softly, his words like feathers floating weightlessly to the ground between them, hoping Calum wouldn’t pick up on the soft undertone of melancholy in his voice. Michael did his best to disguise the feeling that sat with him, between them, wedged into his life in a disturbance that would last until Calum was back. He chose his words carefully, knowing that if he were to talk of the future, his present would become much more somber. The past was a comfort in the here and now, a small streak of light to break up the descending darkness that was content to shroud Michael.

Calum laughed, “Of course I remember. It's not every day you get dragged off the marked trail and convinced you're completely lost in the woods.”

“I knew where I was going,” Michael half-heartedly defended. “We were fine.”

“Bullshit, you didn't even know this place existed. We could’ve walked off the edge of a cliff for all you knew.”

Michael went quiet for a moment, knowing Calum was right, Calum also knowing he was right. If Michael hadn’t been so insistent on knowing where he was going when in reality he didn’t have a clue, they wouldn’t have stumbled across this small clearing that Michael now considered a safe haven. When times were tough, Michael could always count on this place to block out the world, when things were changing the clearing was the same as ever.

“I’m glad we found it though,” Calum reminded. “It’s our place.”

Michael blew out a breath and leaned back, both of their bodies falling into the grass, Calum’s skin aglow with the sun above them. Lazy clouds still drifted, a polar opposite to the storm clouds in Michael’s mind. If he focused hard enough on the outpouring of tumultuous thoughts he could almost feel rain on his skin from the downpour of his own making. So many times they had taken to this very place, this very position, content to let their dreams wander about limitlessly. With Calum there was no end to what they wanted to accomplish.  

Michael sank into his thoughts, let his mind carry him to all the times they had talked with their heads in the clouds, shared daydreams with soft words of the future between them. Maybe it was all just talk to Calum, perhaps it wasn't what he really wanted and the words he spoke were merely fantasies he thought were better left to the imagination. Michael turned to look at Calum, letting himself see every detail of his best friends face, let his heart flutter endlessly in his chest.

Michael knew usual best friends didn't feel the same things they did about each other. That was apparent from the very beginning. No other primary school boys their age had held hands or exchanged kisses under the jungle gym the way they had. It had never been discussed between them, they had just always known it was mutual; whatever it was they technically were.

And now Calum was leaving all that behind, all the dreams they had concocted under the cover of clouds and the touches that usually sent warmth through them had suddenly dissipated, Michael’s blood running cold. Calum was leaving but Michael felt like he was the one who was lost.  

*

Michael watched under a haze of literal storm clouds as Calum packed his bags into the car, sprinkles of raindrops dampening his hair slowly, letting the water plaster his fringe to his forehead. Calum only had a few bags with him, the packing done the night before, Calum frantically throwing his things into duffel bags. It took everything in Michael to not throw all of the clothes out of the bag and beg Calum not to leave. He watched with a heavy heart as the last of Calum’s things were loaded into the car and Calum bid his family good bye. Michael stood guarded at the end of the driveway, arms across his chest and face to the ground as he scuffed his shoes against the pavement.

A hand on his shoulder brought his attention back up, Calum stood before him with the smallest of smiles and a shimmer of what looked like hope in his eyes. Any sort of resentment or bitter feelings Michael may have had about the situation melted away as he looked at the eagerness on Calum’s face. Michael only wanted the best for Calum, and if Calum had decided this was best, then that’s what Calum should have. Michael would be there to support his decision, to see him off and bid him goodbye even when he felt like the words were stuck in the back of his throat, strangling the air out of his lungs, the love out of his heart.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Calum promised. “And when I’m back, it’s you and me taking on the world.”

Michael blinked in response, Calum’s words confusing him to his core. In Michael’s utmost understanding of the situation, Calum was leaving to take on the world, when he got back it would be in the palm of his hand. He didn’t understand where he would fit into the equation, but damn if he wasn’t glad that Calum still wanted him as a piece of the puzzle. Michael nodded after shaking it off, convincing himself he was thinking too deeply of generic words. Calum could mean nothing at all, the words merely a sentence and nothing more. Not every word spoken had to have meaning, sometimes they were just spoken to be spoke.

“I’m already counting the days,” Michael said, keeping his tone joking though in the back of his mind sat a calendar and he couldn’t wait to put red slashes on the dates. The more red, the less time it would take for Calum to be back.

“I’ll text you as often as I can,” Calum promised and while Michael was inclined to believe him, he knew Calum would be awfully busy and that as often as he could probably wouldn’t be as often as Michael might like.

So Michael let go of all of his inhibitions and threw his caution to the wind. He didn’t want Calum to feel bound to some promise that would only keep him back. Calum needed to go and focus on his future and Michael needed to stay and figure out his own.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll see you when you get back.”

Michael had never seen Calum as downtrodden as he did at those words, it took everything in Michael to not take them back. He bit his tongue, knowing it was what was best for both of them. The separation could only make them stronger in the long run, whether that was stronger together or stronger on their own, Michael wasn’t completely sure. But he knew that they needed to take the chances and find out.

Calum’s hand that was on Michael’s shoulder fell, his fingertips tracing along Michael’s arm, his hand reaching for Michael’s hold. Calum reached his other hand out, grasping Michael’s and keeping his gaze directly on him. Michael shifted his eyes, looking out at the rain slicked road, he knew in the grand scheme of things it wouldn’t be too long before Calum was coming back to him, but in the moment, the time span of one month felt infinite and with the possibility that Calum could find himself and pave a path for his future that Michael wasn’t on, made that infinity even bigger.

Michael’s heart thrummed as Calum leaned in close to him, Michael not even feeling the eyes on them anymore. All that he could feel was Calum’s lips brushing his cheek, his breath hitting against his skin as he pulled away but lingered by his ear, a soft whisper sending chills down his spine.

“I promise you and the band are still my first priority.”

Michael knew he should have said something back to Calum, he knew that his best friend stood before him waiting for a response, perhaps a promise in return. But the words that had dared to strangle Michael would not come out of him, he could not say goodbye and he could not make any promises. He dared not say words that he did not mean, because in that moment goodbye meant forever and forever was a concept that Michael couldn’t grasp unless Calum was attached to it.

Calum merely nodded at the lack of response, biting his lip unsurely as he stepped into a hug that Michael was not prepared for. Calum wrapped his arms around Michael’s neck and nuzzled his face into his shoulder, Michael’s arms gone slack, moments needed for his limbs to catch up to the moment. Calum was about to pull away at the lack of response but Michael pulled him back in, ruffling his hair one last time before a month would go by without the opportunity to take part in such a comfort.

The promise fell flat as Calum pulled away and headed for the passenger seat, climbing in the car and not looking back. Michael watched as the car pulled out of the driveway, Calum’s mum waving goodbye to Michael but Calum himself kept his eyes on the road ahead. Michael kept to himself as the car drove off and he started on his way back to his own home. The calendar in his mind was alarmingly a lot longer than he had initially thought.

*

It was two weeks after Calum left when Michael found himself in the clearing again. His arms rested behind his head, the sun dropping behind the tree line in a pink and orange sunset. With the way things had changed over the past two weeks, his constant- Calum- vanished from his life and his routine disrupted, Michael needed a moment to bask in the familiarity of a place that felt like home when home wasn’t a place he wanted to be. The clearing was quiet, a polar opposite to the fights that rang through his house. Nothing was seemingly going in his favor, his parents were fighting with each other and with him, the band was on pause, and Michael still had two weeks left to wait for Calum to return.

Michael knew he should be leaving soon, the sun setting would call for dark and while he’d walked the path a million times the dark would surely obstruct his routine. It was enough of a struggle to watch his step in daylight, the cover of dark would be hazardous to his rather gawky stature and clumsy gait. He wasn’t the most graceful, he couldn’t play football like Calum could though when he was younger he did remember chasing around the ball in little league. He’d hated it. The uniform was ugly and the air was always too humid and he’d asked his mum if they could leave early nearly every practice she dropped him off at.

The only reason he’d tried football in the first place was because Calum had signed up and Michael wanted to be with him. They thought it would be a fun activity they could do together after school, and while Calum basked in his natural talent and had great times with his teammates, Michael rode the bench and clapped for his best friend. Michael didn’t mind sitting on the sidelines, he would support Calum no matter what and he knew that Calum would support him just the same.

Michael reveled in the memories they had created, a lifetime of friendship behind them and hope for a lifetime more ahead of them. While there was an ever present doubt that weighed Michael’s heart down he held onto the hope like tiny shards of broken glass. He wouldn’t grip them too tight in fear of getting hurt, but he held them softly and wouldn’t let them plummet into the obscurity of complete destruction.

 Michael had brought his song book with him but it lay discarded in the grass, not one spill of ink from the day on its pages. There were too many words to be written to ever be able to fully express what Michael was feeling and give justice to the emotions that welled his eyes. He closed them in an attempt to keep back tears, tilting his head up to the sky as if gravity would be gracious enough to stop the pitfall of emotions yearning to escape him.

He let his mind wander out in the clearing, hoping it would bring him some peace of mind, but the only places his mind seemed to venture off to lately were the darker parts. His thoughts were consumed by places void of light, where turmoil laced his blood and coursed through his body. He felt black- blue long forgotten in his fight to remain.

He was lost in the void of darkness, as if sent off to sea without a compass or walking an unmarked trail in the dead of the night. He was floundering about hopelessly just waiting for something to happen, for purpose to fall into his lap and his world to keep spinning. He was stagnant in the void, left to wander and holler out in an attempt to find himself, find where he was going when he wasn’t even sure if there was somewhere he wanted to be.

In the most unrealistic of dreams in his mind he could almost grasp onto what he wanted. Music. He wanted to share music with the world and get out of here. He wanted to venture lighter places with a meaningful message that he could convey through music. But he wanted all of that with Calum by his side. Without Calum around, he wasn’t sure what his message even was.

Calum had texted a few times since he’d been gone and while Michael appreciated the texts down to each letter, he could read between the lines. His best friend was off having a great time, paving a path for his future, and Michael was happy for him. As much as it pained him to realize that Calum didn’t need Michael in the way Michael needed Calum, he was happy that he was off doing amazing things on his own.

Michael lay in the clearing not much longer, knowing he’d have to start on his way back before the sun got much lower. During his last few minutes he tried to put the pen to paper, but his ideas had run as dry as the ink of his used up pen. Maybe it was a sign; sometimes things just don’t work the way you want them to. All that was left for Michael to do was hold onto hope, small pieces of glass reflecting gold from the sun. Hope would never abandon him. Even on the darkest of nights the moon and stars were always there, a slight light to look to.

Michael picked himself and his song book up, dusting off his backside before meandering his way out of the clearing, nothing but weeds left behind. He found that there wasn’t much comfort in the clearing when Calum wasn’t even on the same continent as him. Perhaps it wasn’t the place that bound Michael and kept him feeling calm, but the fact that Calum would surely turn up at some point or another. All it took was a text, a phone call, sometimes even just a whisper of a feeling that Michael had leading him to the clearing that Calum was somehow always aware of and would follow him. They had always been connected but distance made that connection static and gray.

Michael was stubbornly holding onto the remnants of the connection they had. Time and distance was always known to break apart the strongest of bonds, but what he and Calum shared was something much more than what the concept of time and the reality of distance could ever comprehend. In the back of Michael’s mind, he knew deep down, that he and Calum would always share something, no matter where they were in the world or what they were doing with their lives. They would share the love they had, whether it was still burning bright or if it was a burning but forgotten flame.

*

There was only one day left until Calum would be home and the hope that Michael held onto was fragile in his shaking hands. He’d spent a lot of time on his own, Luke had come around a few times in an attempt to pull Michael away from his own thoughts, but Michael couldn’t get away from himself. He was beside himself as he waited for Calum to come back to him, his thoughts filling the void Calum had left.

All of his thoughts had begun to circle around the past, the moment he’d first laid eyes on Calum to the last time he’d seen him. It had been a rainy day when Michael had first met Calum, a slight drizzle leaving behind wet splotches on the batman t-shirt he had worn to his first day of a new year in primary school. He’d strode up to the classroom with all the confidence he could muster, faking it until he could make it. Michael remembered the way Calum had so quietly sat in class, how he didn’t speak unless spoken to- sometimes not even then- and the way the quiet was an instant calm to the thunderous thoughts in Michael’s mind. Calum had always been the bright break of lightning in the dark clouds, the only thing that Michael ever cared to see during the storm.

Michael had abandoned the idea that the clearing would bring him comfort the day he’d failed to write a single meaningful lyric in his songbook. He’d scribbled out nearly every word and the pages were sopped with wet ink for hours when he got home, the force of his pen too strong in his grip as he struck out thought after thought. The only thoughts that mattered were of Calum, and those were ones that carried too high of a price to try and bargain with.

Worry of the future accompanied Michael nearly everywhere he went, a trail of uncertainty like a smoke screen behind him at all times. His future was much like smoke, sometimes he was unable to see through to the other side, other times he thought he was catching a break in the thing that choked him up, as if he were finally able to find a way out.

The days to Calum’s home coming were slimming and Michael wasn’t nearly as prepared as he thought he would be to face his best friend again. He was scared at who would be returning home- the Calum that would lay in the clearing with him, nothing but hopes for the band and the future accompanying him or the Calum who could dominate on the football field and could surely secure a career playing a sport he was quite fond of.

Days dragged on for Michael, heavy footsteps guiding him through the present towards a very unclear future. Somedays Michael wasn’t sure what way was up and where down was, but he knew for certain he was at his lowest point- wherever that was. Michael always knew that Calum meant more to him than most things in life, but the realization that hit Michael once Calum was gone was more than he could bare. Calum meant the most to Michael. Without Calum, Michael wasn’t certain he knew who he was.

Maybe it was dangerous territory to place so much of himself in someone else, maybe it was only ever set up for failure, but the faith and the love that Michael had placed in Calum, was more than he could ever show himself. Calum was the love Michael was scared to feel. Calum showed Michael the love he needed.

*

Michael sat with his leg bouncing, the uncomfortable plastic chair beneath him creaking as he leaned forward. Calum’s plane was delayed and Michael’s heart was throbbing, impatiently waiting. They'd left on a promise of being a priority, on a sacred and sworn oath that they were still each other's number ones, but time was inevitable and change accompanied it. Michael feared that the person getting off the plane would be a stranger that faced him. He may look like Calum, but on the inside he could be a completely different person. A person who didn't need Michael at all, and that realization crushed him.

Michael scanned the landing times once more, praying to whoever or whatever that Calum’s flight had somehow miraculously beat its delay and he would see his best friend striding for him. He’d worked up quite the mental image of this moment over the past month, the slow motion airport scene where Calum finally returned home to the safety and comfort of Michael’s embrace, and maybe there would be some applause like in the movies. Or maybe not.

It took another twenty minutes for Calum’s flight to come in, by that time Michael had shaken nearly every nerve out of his body, his knee relentless in its bounce. The moment wasn’t like the movies, in fact it was rather ordinary. Michael spotted Calum walking out of the terminal, his carry on strapped over his shoulder, a hoodie hanging loosely on his frame, his eyes casted to the airport floor. Calum didn’t notice Michael right away and Michael didn’t move in that moment, he didn’t move until Calum’s eyes finally flickered up and all he did was offer Michael a wave and a smile as he walked at a very regular pace to meet him.

“Thanks for being here,” Calum said and all that Michael could do was choke out a half-hearted response. “We’ve got to talk.”

Michael froze even more so, his body frostbitten and stuck to the chair he sat on. A saving grace came to Michael in the form of Calum’s family descending upon him, hugs and excited babble greeting him as Michael stayed still, those words menacingly swirling around him. It wasn’t until they were all packed into the car and on their way home when Calum brought up needing to talk to Michael again, just a breezy mention of it that slipped through the regular conversation in the car.

Dread had built its way into the pit of Michael’s stomach as he followed Calum up the stairs to his room, helping him carry his bags in. He knew ‘the talk’ was coming as soon as the door shut and Calum turned to look at him. He could read it on Calum’s face, yet the words were blurred and Michael had next to no clue what this talk would be about. It was a dramatic shift from their relationship, usually Michael could tell what was on Calum’s mind before it even entered his thoughts. In that moment though, Michael was going in blind.

Calum sighed rather dramatically and led Michael to sit on the bed. Calum scooted so his back was against the wall and his legs were stretched out, Michael took a rather poised position on the edge of the bed, hands folded in his lap and he looked at Calum and waited.

“I love football,” Calum began and Michael’s heart sank, plummeting into depths of himself he wasn’t aware were even existent. “It’s something I know I could do for the rest of my life, it’s realistic, there’s options that are open for it.”

Michael bit his lip and casted his gaze to the floor, the shards of hope he had once held sprinkled into the hardwood, staring back at him with glares of forgotten gold.

“It’s just not what I want though, I can’t chase after something that my heart and soul aren’t absolutely after.”

Michael looked up, Calum seemingly in a haze of gold, the color emanating from his best friend. Michael swore in that moment that his body had burst into colors, a million mixtures of different hues on his palette. “What is that you want?”

“The band- _you_. I love football but I’m always going to love you more. I’m always going to want what we’ve talked about and I know that if we don’t even try, I’ll always kick myself. What we could do could be so much bigger than a stable career. What we are is so much more than what a sport could ever bring me. My heart and soul is in this dream and with you, always.”

Michael’s heart soared, feeling like he was finally able to breathe, that Calum- his oxygen- had returned and his life and dreams were no longer hanging precariously in the balance. Michael’s stilled position broke, no longer seeing shards of glass on the floor but reflective gold in Calum’s eyes, a shimmer so bright Michael couldn’t help but move closer to it- closer to Calum. Naturally Calum welcomed Michael with open arms, coming to each other and not letting go, their breaths- for once- matching pace, Michael taking comfort in the fact that they could be as one with each other as that seemed.

“What are you going to tell your parents?” Michael wondered aloud. It always seemed that the biggest skeptics of their dreams had been the ones who were supposed to support them the most; parents, siblings, friends.

“I’m just going to tell them that I’m following my heart, you step and so do I,” Calum said surely.

Michael took solace in being able to ruffle Calum’s hair, a small token of appreciation for the bravery he knew it would take to tell his parents he wouldn’t be going after the practical. Calum hummed at the contact, pressing further into Michael’s touch, Michael smiling from the inside out at the moment they were able to share. The fact that Calum was so willing to walk away from something that meant so much to him made Michael question whether or not he should let him, but it was ultimately Calum’s decision and Michael would be damned if he were to be the one to convince him otherwise.

*

The clearing brought Michael peace once more, but that’s only because Calum was sat with him, humming a tune that they’d yet to put lyrics to, a tune that made Michael think the trials and tribulations of the rocky road ahead would be worth it all. Michael’s eyes never left Calum, his gaze tracing over every inch of his best friend, of the heart and soul before him. The day was new, the sun had just risen before they set out on the unmarked path to where they felt at home.

Calum leaned back, his arms folded and cushioning his head, Michael following suit quickly, the sky above them picture perfectly clear, blue and new and exactly how Michael felt. Right now Michael thought that maybe Calum was yellow, a perfect complement to the blue skies Michael felt. Calum was the sun and the lightning that could break apart any and all storm clouds in Michael’s mind.

“Someday we’re going to make it big,” Calum murmured quietly, as if he had said the words any louder the universe would hear them and spite them. As if the words were unbelievable even to Calum. Michael though- he believed them with all of his heart. “I’m just glad that in the meantime, I have you, you’re worth more than anything else in this world.”

 Michael felt his smile before he consciously knew it would happen. Calum had always had a way with words that made Michael feel special, that if Calum truly believed the things he said about Michael, then they had to be true because Calum was painted to life with honesty and purity. There was no one quite like Calum, no one else who had the same amount of passion and drive for the things they wanted in life, no one who could be the sun and the moon all at once. Calum was Michael’s light source in dark times. Even the darkest of nights cut apart from the glow of the moon and stars, from the way Calum could put his mind at ease with just a smile.

“We’ll make it big, with each other. We’ll always have each other, no matter where we end up,” Michael confirmed.

Michael wasn’t scared to put those words out into the universe, he firmly believed that thoughts were things and if he believed them enough, if he went after them with all of himself, they would inevitably be true. Michael knew that with Calum by his side they could take on the world, that even the most frightening of things would be dulled by the shine of Calum and the hope he held. Calum was the quiet to Michael’s storm, a silencer to the thunder in Michael’s mind, the calm at sea. They were each other’s contradictions that perfectly befitted each other in an utmost contradictory way.

“No matter where we end up,” Calum repeated, as if solidifying the thought, ultimately putting it out into the universe to ensure it became a thing.

They lapsed into a practiced silence, one where they were both comfortable with just hearing each other’s breathing, one where the sun was shining above them and the storm was finally over. Michael knew they faced unknown horizons on the road that led to their dreams, but with Calum by his side he was sure they would be okay. Michael looked to Calum, every inch and curve of him highlighted under the light of the sun. Calum sat up slowly, reaching for his worn leather journal that was tossed to the side along with Michael’s songbook. They hadn’t made a lot of progress on the writing forefront that morning, but they’d shared ideas and hopes and dreams and that was more than they’d been able to do over the past month.

Calum began to scribble down a thought, Michael sitting up and peaking over his shoulder, Calum’s scrawl unmistakably rushed as he focused on getting the thought put into words before it fled from his mind. Calum had always been good with his words- even when he was too shy to use them, his mind screaming vibrantly- Calum was the words to Michael’s music.   

            *

The moment was perfect, the sun was setting and sending golden lines of light down Calum’s body. Michael's hands traced those lines, his fingertips grazing Calum’s skin, his lips pressed to his pulse point, feeling the steady thrum of his heart beat. They'd taken it slow, soft and sweet whispers traded between them, praise stirring Michael's stomach in a pleasure that couldn't be reached just through touch, though that's not to say Calum’s touch didn't send shivers of desire through his body.

Michael knew he was close, he knew the moment Calum raked his fingers down his back lightly, the contact feeling like whispers of sweet nothings down his heated skin. He could tell Calum was also close, his words strained behind moans, his body trembling, ready for release. Michael needed that release as well. He needed to see the way Calum’s eyelids would flutter and his chest would heave against his jagged breaths. He needed to feel Calum grabbing at him, pulling him closer so that their bodies were one and their heart beats could match erratic paces.

“Michael,” Calum groaned out, his voice laced with insatiable need.

Michael could hear the plea in his tone, the recognizable lilt to his voice around a breath that shook into the air.  Michael had been dragging it out, taking his time, enjoying the feeling of being with Calum, there was nothing quite as innately right as his time with Calum.

But the need that Calum was expressing was matched with the desperation Michael felt for his own release. With one last thrust, his lips grazing down to Calum’s collar bones, the whole world had spun off its axis. All Michael could see was gold, the gold of Calum’s skin, bursts of gold behind closed eyes from the light of the sun.

All that he had wanted, Calum pulling him closer, the feel of his heartbeat against his chest was exponentially better than he had imagined it to be. Their bodies were sweat slicked and Michael's mind was hazy, but he wouldn't want it any other way. His hazy mind was filled with dizzying images of Calum, not unlike any other day, but in that moment it was the perfect picture of Calum before and after ecstasy.

Michael finally knew for certain what color Calum was; he was gold. As golden as sunset, enchanting and filled with hope. Calum was a golden sun and Michael was glad to be able to stand in the light and the love he radiated. Michael’s dreams had always been gold and hazy, so it made sense that Calum was gold. Without Calum, Michael’s dreams wouldn’t be worth living.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!   
> Find me on tumblr at lashtonsillusion


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